Well this Easter will be the first holiday without my grandpa. With all the good stuff going on in my life you would think I would be the happiest person in the world, but I'm not. I miss him so much and it is hard to think that we will not see him again. As I was counting today the number of people who would be at our Easter get together, I thought of him. I was going to count him in the number, but I had to come back to reality and realize he is gone. It is so hard. I never thought that his death would get to me like this, but it has and now I really do not know what to do. I listen to his song everyday thinking that it will make it all easier on myself, but it really doen't. I just don't know what to do because I think all the time about him, and how he will never get to hold my kids, see my kids, or anything. My kids will never know how amazing he was and get to meet him. I am so tired of crying, but I don't know how to get over this. I don't know how to let go of this pain in my heart. I wish that I could have seen him after he was gone so it would hit me. One day I hope to be able to get past this. I would not wish this kind of pain on anyone I know....
~Rachel
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